Can we really rank our sexuality?

I was talking with some colleagues about the difference between the Kinsey test and the Klein grid this week, and looked online to research it a bit further. There are many tests we can take to help determine our sexuality and for people just coming out it may help remove some of the confusion. But I often find these tests even more confounding, because let’s face it, sexual orientation is just not as cut and dried as we want it to be. We are fluid beings, and perhaps that’s a beautiful thing. So even though I identify as a lesbian, I am not 100% off the chart as a lesbian. I have known some women who are, but I fall somewhere close to the coveted gold star but slightly tarnished. LOL.

I mentioned to some of the women in my coming out group this week that I thought pan-sexuality seemed like the most evolved choice that anyone could make. I worried later that saying this would confuse them, but they seemed undaunted. Getting philosophical here, this was just a half-formed opinion of mine, based on the idea that loving a human being for who they are at the level of personality and perhaps the soul seems to be more in line with our higher self. While I can hold pan-sexuality as an ideal, my reality is much different. Lust I realize is not based on ideals, but on raw human sexual energy.

While most people can recognize that bodies of all genders can all be attractive, it is our energies (butch/femme, top/bottom, lead/follow, giver/taker, sweet/salty, and on and on) that have so much to do with attraction. Energy can be both ephemeral and hard to define. It is that spark we feel, that electric heat that shoots down our body. So let’s face it, how we react to these energies just isn’t something we can control. For me, I find the energy of a man to be too in polarity with mine and I enjoy the subtle energy play between two females better. I have no better way to describe this as the reason why I am gay. (Not that I need to give a reason any more than a heterosexual does, damnit.)

So is our sexuality really a choice? I don’t have a clear answer to that, nor do scientists though they have tried to prove there is a gay gene. The only thing I know for sure is that we are at the mercy of energies that play upon us and lure us into our sweet attraction.

What are the various energies in which you show up in your life? We may be “butch on the streets, but femme in the sheets” as the saying goes. Comment below about what you have noticed about your own energy and others.

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outcoaching

40-something lesbian life coach, living in Brooklyn.

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