Coming to Terms : Part 2

We are complex beings and fall into many different “categories,” one of which is our sexuality. This is Emily’s story with labels…

“While many of the people in my coming out group have a hard time with the term, I claim “lesbian” as a sexy word. It is also my preferred word when coming out to others [over gay, queer and certainly homosexual]. Yet, most people respond back to me with gay or homosexual, which I find interesting. I think it says more about their culture and the words they are used to hearing in that culture. My mother barely squeaked out the word lesbian after I repeatedly used it the night I came out to my parents.

For many to whom I have come out, gay is associated with a negative connotation. Perhaps I preference lesbian precisely because it isn’t A) spoken and B) used negatively. I am free of the baggage because I am introducing a “new” word; I get to define/model/teach what that word means rather than one putting me into a box that’s already full of their ideas].

I also had a very positive introduction to the word lesbian. A dear friend came out to me by saying she is lesbian. She and I are both deeply influenced by 2nd wave feminism and call things as they are: lesbian. vagina. breast. etc. For centuries society silenced anything remotely close to female sexuality. So we ended up with a psyche that couldn’t name our own body parts without sounding and feeling dirty. I don’t want that for the next generation. By using lesbian or vagina, I normalize it. I also think my choice to use lesbian is where I am at right now: I am not interested in men.”

~ Emily

Thanks for guest blogging Emily!

Emily is the co-facilitator of our coming out group, and in the process of coming out herself, she is able to share real-time experiences with the group in a supportive framework. Have you had any specific people in your life that have had positive or negative influences on the terms that you choose to use? If you do have a negative connotation with a term, how might you reclaim it?

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